On what I did today and how I feel

I've just been reading (and subsequently commenting on) the blog of a complete stranger. I feel as though she (I assume its a she, or a homosexual male) and I share some common traits, though I don't really care. It just got me thinking that I should write my feelings down.

Today, I bought a homeless man a meal and we had lunch together. Why did I do this? Partly because I was feeling altruistic and partly, sadly, I think I needed a friend. I don't really feel connected to people. I rarely find schoolmates that share my interests, this is probably more my fault than anyone else's as i don't look too hard. I'm often the subject of mockery, not in an overbearing, bullying way, just like, "wow, you did that, ha". I understand the need for children to mock that which is different and I don't expect human nature to change sooner than I so I guess its a moot point.

I've never opened up to anyone before my now ex girlfriend. I told her how feel, a thing I rarely do, and she accepted that and loved me. I loved her too, I still do, but I'll never admit it. She broke up with me, and I can't blame her for that, though it does make me feel pretty bad. Mostly, I regret the way I acted for those first couple of weeks. I think she was the first girl I ever really loved and her breaking up with me caused me much emotional distress. I cried a lot and cut off her ability to contact me. I then began speaking to her again, misinterpreted her playful speech and said something I shouldn't have. A month later, and we've got an okay friendship going on. I want us to be closer, hell I want someone to be close to, but it cannot be. God forbid I appear needy. After all, her friendship is freely given, and I can't blame her just because she doesn't want us to be together.

Furthermore, I'm currently looking for a new girlfriend. This is a hard task, my previous one was very physically attractive and highly intelligent, one could say she was the whole package. One girl in particular, A I'll call her. She's very clingy and not nearly as physically attractive as her predecessor. I don't care much for ones looks, beauty is quite the common thing nowadays, you either have it or you buy it, its the girl beneath who really matters. Unfortunately, she's fallen quite in love with me (ego trip) yet I don't love her. She also just seems to want to have sex, which I don't mind, but I do want an emotional connection. I want to leave her, but here comes the clincher: I am her first relationship (kiss even) since she was raped 10 months ago. I want so desperately not to hurt her, I do like her, I just don't love her. That scares me, too. Love. It took a long time for me to fall in love for the first time, how long will it be before it happens again? I feel so lonely.

I'd write more on my emotional anguish, but its just past midnight, and I have tai chi in the morning. I think writing this down does help a bit, but I know I'm just going to crawl into bed and and sob, perhaps even cut myself again. Oh well, such is life.

On our Real Folk Blues

For those of you who don't know, Keanu Reeves is saddling up to play spike in the new Cowboy Bebop Movie. Begin mourning...now.

On Australia's obsession with the Simpsons.

Ahh..The Simpsons.

I owe all of my knowledge of History and Literature to that cartoon. I count myself among its fans, having watched every episode to air on Australian TV as well as having the first two seasons boxed. I used to watch the Simpsons religiously. Why? Because its there. Its everywhere.

Seriously. The Simpsons have must be nearing the 500 episode mark, and channel 10 air them every night, and they have been for as long as I remember. Even before their three hundredth episode (which was entitled I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can) network 0 were still crankin' out eps daily. Do the math: one Simpsons episode a day, minus Saturday, plus the weekly Simpson's hour. That's eight episodes a week or four hours of everyone's favourite family. Why does the Simpsons dominate this time slot? Is it like this in other countries? Please, if you're not Australian, save me a trip down wiki road and leave your country's weekly Simp-schedule in the comments.

I'm not complaining about it, as I said, I love the Simpsons.

Click the ads. Remember, I raised money for the world's greatest shave, what have you done lately?

On the Dividing Line

I consider myself liberal. Yet so many times I find my heart swaying down the conservatives lane. Take abortion, I don't want the fetus to "die", but I want people to be free to make the choice. Who am I to say what one can or cannot do? Abortion should be a service, free to anyone, albeit not used by everyone. If I ever impregnated anyone, I hope (I cannot say for sure until I'm in the situation) that I would wish her to keep it. Though, in the end, the choice lays with the woman. I digress from my tangent as always to get back to my point. Why is it called Pro-Choice OR Pro-Life? That implies that its life or the alternative (ie death). I want people to have the choice, and my personal choice is for my hypothetical fetus not to be taken from this world. Is that so much to ask?

Spine Cracking

I've recently read the Twilight series. They are all fairly big books, the smallest of which is still a good three hundred pages. Yet I look upon them now and see them undamaged. To the contrary, I'm also reading Mein Kampf, its around six hundred pages, but smaller than the largest of the Twilights. I'm currently at page two hundred, and the spine is cracked to oblivion. I eventually drew the graph below, using the formula of:
T x W = X
X= Spine cracking level
T= Book thickness (page count)
W= Word Heaviness





Basically, if the book is a decent number of pages (T) and it takes a while to read the words on the page (W) then the rate of spine cracking (X) will be small.

On My Right to Read and Singers

Recently, I've been reading some non-fiction, mainly philosophy or political (which are one in the same, really). For my birthday/Christmas (they've close so the gifts received are simultaneous) I attained a copy of the six hundred page monster that is Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf . I'm kind of on a Hitler thing at the moment (before that it was Che Guevara) and I've read many books about his life, views and promiscuity. Now that I read Mein Kampf, which is semi-autobiographical, I can see where he's stretched the truth to achieve his means. On that note I will say that Hitler was quite an awesome man. He's certainly no one anybody should emulate, but his power to gain popularity through a book? His legendary oration? These are all the skills of a super hero. Here old Ben Parker comes into play for, "With great power, comes great responsibility." Hitler did not shy away from his responsibility, he just thought of himself as a bit too great. I believe that he did what most would do, he attained riches and power through a certain lifestyle and he tried to impress that lifestyle on others. But his eyes were clouded by hate and vengeance, so he ultimately failed.

I'll save my full thoughts on Hitler for a later date, my point of this post was to rant about my outrage at my lack of freedom of readership. People give me weird looks when I read this, even my history teacher is questionable? I'll admit that a white-boy with a soon to be shaved head (world's greatest shave) in a community of mixed ethnicity may look a bit sus, people should realize that I'm merely trying to gain his perspective, and I'd be a fool to enact his desires. If I hated other races I'd lose 95% of my friends, and how many good songs have been written by or about on white people? Like, every single one: Brown Eyed Girl (originally Brown Skinned Girl) Vanilla Ice Cream. You cannot beat these songs. I digress yet again. I should be able to read whatever the hell I want without receiving weird looks. Okay, maybe The Story of Ois pushing it, but nobody knows what that is.

My second point of posting is to state my thoughts on music. I like all music, and I'm forever trying to broaden my tastes. I currently struggling with the heaviest of metal, but I'll persevere. Anyhow, a few months ago, I was listening to Rihanna, I had two of her songs thanks to some compilation CDs, and I was thinking that her music was pretty space (that's the new word for "cool", kiddies). However, a quick wiki search of her revealed that she doesn't write her own songs. I was shocked by this. I'd never given it much thought until recently when I realized that one just goes into the studio and sings what's on the paper. The artist doesn't have the connection to the song that they would if they'd written it, that magical bond is shattered, so the singer just becomes a sort of whore.

On coming cinema and stuff I draw'd

I like movies. I watch them a lot. My class cannot have a trivia game based solely around film, lest they fall to my prowess. I've noticed some moving in the cinematic cesspool and I thought I may as well comment on them, seeing as I just got my net back.

The Karate Kid Remake
They (Because Hollywood is run by the corporations) are planning to remake the Karate Kid, an eighties favourite of mine. I have the collector's edition, which contains the first three. Though, nostalgia aside, I fear for this movie. While the original actor of the title character, Ralph Macchio states that it "is an honour" to have his film remade, I'm worried for the plot inconsistencies. The lead actors are Jaden Smith, son of Will, playing the young martial arts student Daniel LaRusso. Unfortunately, Jackie Chan was chosen to play the timeless Mr Miyagi. While I like Jackie (mostly for his Chinese films), the story wouldn't make sense if it were a Chinese (Aussie) man teaching Daniel, then it would have to be called Kung Fu Kid. Still, I'm going to watch the movie. In fact, I'll watch the series tonight.

Anime Lookalike

Has anyone noticed that Tom Cruise in his role for Valkyrie looks an awful lot like Roy Mustang in Full Metal Alchemist: The Conqueror of Shamballa? It makes sense, they were both trying to overthrow a Fuhrer.






He's just not that into you

I want to see this movie. It has a good cast, featuring Scarlett Johanssen (need I say more?) and Justin Long (from a favourite of mine, Waiting...). The director, Ken Kwapis, has knowledge of the field, though he's no Amy Heckerling. Also, from the depths of heatwave induced boredom, I draw'd this:

On Heath Ledger

I post this one year from the day that Heath Ledger died of a drug overdose. I just saw that statement on the news and I thought I may pen my feelings about him. Glancing at Wikipedia, I notice that I've seen all of his films post 1998, his career seems to have coincided with my interests throughout my life. While his breakthrough film, Two Hands, was fantastic in my opinion, I feel that Brokeback Mountain brought him into the ranks of other fantastic Australian male actors, such as Crowe and Jackman.

His movie A Knight's Tale, while being childish, holds a special place in my heart as it was the favourite of a now departed friend. I'm in two minds about his award nominations, though I think it is more due to the argument of actors receiving praise after death. On one hand, its a great tribute, but are we not bias and is it not more deserving to a living actor?

Still, may he rest in peace.

On the Play Station 3

As many are aware, I am quite in wanting of a PS3. Usually, I would call buyers of this item afoul labeling them "race traitors" for straying from the pure Nintendo path, yet it has become almost a necessity with the advent of the Blu-Ray DVD. With a PS 3, I will be able to play blu-ray films when it becomes the primary medium, play games and surf the internet (though I will never). This is all for the low low price of six hundred dollars. So obviously, I will not be buying this product all that soon, though it will always stay in the back of my mind.

Unfortunately, my dreams of a PS3 induced euphoria are slightly cracked now, when I found out that the device cannot play the games of its predecessor. It can play PS1 games, but not PS2. I was outraged at this, the only reason I would consider it an entertainment system would be if I could play the many JRPGs of years passed, namely Final Fantasy and Kindom Hearts.

On atheism being secular

I am somewhat of an anti-atheist. I'm not against atheist all together, but during their gathering I see people wearing T-shirts that proclaim "God does not exist" and the like. I mean how many Hindu's sport "Dharma for life mother fuckers"? No body, why do most devout atheists wear these, well, offensive tees? Do they think themselves better than the rest of the god heeding populace? Often, those shown in media are quite narrow minded in their conviction of others. This can be forgiven because the media would obviously only highlight those with the more extreme views.

Some people label atheism as being "secular". For those of you who don't know, secular means to be separate from any forms of religion. I disagree on this point because I see atheism as a "para-religion". I attach the prefix "para" to create the effect of being next to (ie. parallel or paramedic) as opposed to being against (paranormal). Atheism is its own set of beliefs about life and about god, so it is a religion. I further justify this statement, myspace lists "atheism" in one of its choices for religion when setting up a profile.

It is conceptions like this that prohibit myself from being called an atheist. So I guess I'm just stuck with Equivalent Exchange to believe in:

"Mankind cannot gain anything without first sacrificing something in exchange. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. This is the law of equivalent exchange, fundamental in alchemy." - Alphonse Elric

If you've read this far, please take the time to click one of the advertisements to the left. Only one click per person is needed.